What your mess can tell you about your mind. Guest Blog from Andreana Mabry, M.S., LMFT
I’m a trauma therapist, so I treat depression, anxiety, and PTSD a lot. When I first heard Alison describe her approach to organizing, I was instantly intrigued.
She doesn’t just swoop in and make the mess disappear, only for you to recreate it within weeks.
She teaches you a new way of thinking and new systems that work for you.
I love this, because how you treat yourself shows up in how you treat your surroundings.
The tendency to accumulate clutter isn’t just about your behavior, it’s about your mind.
When we have mental and emotional pain, clutter often follows.
What kinds of thoughts can we find in your messes?
“My life was/is hard and I deserve a little treat.”
When you excitedly buy “just one more [fill in your favorite item],” but then get disappointed when you get it home, ask yourself:
What emotional space was you trying to fill with that item?
There often isn’t an item that can fill emotional voids. Starting to heal your relationship with a loved one or with yourself will take you much further.
“I never got to choose or to have these things before, now I can.”
Some of your clutter may represent your sense of power and control. “Someone” used to decide what you can or can not have. Or a tragedy made you lose items, lose relationships or lose your own identity.
When you find yourself trying to fill that void with items, remember that you exercise the same power and control every time you make a thoughtful decision about what you buy and keep.
“I don’t feel safe unless my stuff is there to comfort and protect me.”
Emotional safety is incompatible with physical danger and emotional harm.
It’s okay to find comfort in objects! They can be very soothing. But if you’re tripping over them or mentally attacking yourself over the clutter, they are no longer contributing to your emotional safety.
You don’t have to give up everything at once. Instead, give a few items a promotion, and put the rest away for a while.
For example, stash one appropriate comfort object in each zone of your life (the car, your workspace, and your rest area, or anywhere you feel increased vulnerability). Then, put the rest into a box or bin and store it safely away while you determine which items you really miss or need.
Bonus: Keeping 1 comfort object per “zone” reduces decision-fatigue. If you get panic attacks or flashbacks, you’ll know exactly what to grab (and where it is) to make yourself feel better. No more sorting through a ton of options when you just want to feel better quickly.
“I am running myself ragged caring for others; I do not have time to care for my space/stuff.”
Finally, it seems obvious that messiness can be a visible sign of your overwhelm. When you have too much to do, some things are going to get done, and some things are going to put on the backburner.
But if you’re always putting you, your stuff, your needs, and your space last? Well, you might need help developing your own sense of boundaries and willingness to let others give back to you.
Just a few shifts in your thinking will make a huge difference in the way you feel in your body and in your home.
If you started to do battle with your clutter but got caught in a battle with your thoughts, I’m here to help. Reach out to me at showupcounseling.com/contact-me and let me know that Alison sent you.
Comments